In-To-Me-See

Intimacy Begins When the Mask Comes Off

I’ve always believed that we love backwards. We meet people and from the minute we connect, we size each other up. We make decisions on continued dialogue based on looks, status, jobs, and behaviors. We “decide” if people are worthy of our attention and energy based on superficial findings rather than sitting with each other and listening. Many conversations are started with sharing stories about self, trying to impress each other and finding a common ground we can land upon. 

How often have you sat with strangers, to just listen, to learn and to be influenced by them?

After several years of sitting and listening to incarcerated people, I am blown away by what I have learned and continue to learn about humanity, peoples hearts, their pains and their behaviors. Behind those bars, lie stories most people will never hear, lives experienced most would never survive and pain so unbearable that many would be taken down by. And yet, through my experiences with them, I am in awe of their adaptability, strength, perseverance and courage, often starting in childhood.

The comments and remarks I have endured when I meet with people on the outside, with little curiosity of life, have shown me the many faces of people and the numerous masks we all wear. The boxes we squeeze ourselves into to be liked, seen and feel popular. Yet those detained behind bars, face a double prison, the one they are residing in and the one of their soul. Very different yet both paralyzing.

Intimacy defined means “closeness.” This definition feels so superficial and can be interpreted in so many ways.

In-To-Me-See feels deeper, layered and complex, it's a deep sense of closeness, connection and understanding, involving vulnerability, mutual acceptance and self disclosure. Beyond physical closeness it includes emotional, mental and spiritual aspects, allowing each other to feel truly seen and accepted for who they are. It's built through safety, trust, sharing of thought, feelings, fears, emotions, shared experiences and feeling connection and belonging.

Types of intimacy are:

• Emotional

• Physical

• Intellectual

• Experiential 

• Spiritual 

What intimacy can feel like:

• Feeling comfortable being your authentic/true self

• Deep, honest conversations and understanding, without judgement or shame

• Feeling safe and supported during challenging times

• Full acceptance of each other, strengths and edges

• A felt sense of belonging and being truly known

  
  

In-To-Me-See is an invitation rather than exposure. It’s courage in the face of fear, vulnerability in the unknown. It’s putting the mask down, being true to self first and then stepping into the world, organic and raw, no performance but rather presence. It is a choice. 

The mask almost everyone wears is cultivated from survival, safety, belonging and conditioning. Whether from our upbringing, culture, societal expectations and now social media, so many are trying to find where they fit in. Scared to stand alone in fear of loneliness they'd rather follow a crowd, to feel like they belong somewhere. The risk of this is the loss of self, or the self you haven’t actually met, yet. The disconnection from your soul, your truth and your body. This will eventually show up in your life, whether illness, grief, mental health challenges or isolation, whether chosen or experienced. It will come knocking on your door and you may not even hear it. 

At some point, life will ask you (whether you want this question or not) if the mask is getting heavy? Is it still helpful, or is it getting in the way? The deeper, more profound question then becomes, are you willing to take it off, put it down and look at yourself?

After decades of hiding, standing behind this mask, the fear of taking it off, can feel insurmountable. The work required, to walk this path, is not for the faint of heart. It will require unmeasurable amounts of surrender and letting go, to the many versions of you that walked behind the mask. Feeling exposed and vulnerable while also being asked to navigate the unraveling and rebuilding of your true self, the one you have the least experience of being in a relationship with. 

Love means seeing all the parts of ourselves, and meeting them with compassion, grace, tenderness and kindness. Love is a verb, an action, it's how you show up for others, in a way so deep, in a way that you would want to be loved, if you allowed yourself to feel that deeply. Ultimately, it's also how you show up for yourself, first. 

And this is why I will be in continued awe with those individuals who step foot into my class, to be present with what they feel when they take off the mask and be asked to meet themselves. Because true freedom is not being released from prison, but rather setting yourself free from the mental, emotional, physical and relational bars you have been living behind longer than you realize. 

If you find yourself called to meet your true self, let’s talk: https://www.lifelevatedwellness.com/booking-calendar/coaching-1?referral=service_list_widget

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